Bottoms Up! A Book About Rear Ends

BOTTOMS UP! A Book About Rear Ends

(excerpt)

INTRODUCTION

We all know that everyone poops.  And everyone does it through his or her bottom.  But this isn’t really a book about pooping.  It’s about the many other things animals can do with their incredible rear ends – from sitting to stinging, from attracting a mate to taking a breath.  And it’s about how different those rear ends are.  Some are fat; others are narrow and pointed.  Some are brightly colored.  A few can sting.

Looking at different animals’ hindquarters can give you information about the ways those animals live, both alone and together.  It can help you appreciate how unique every creature is and to marvel at the many ways animals have managed to survive, breed, and even stay “top dog” – all by using their amazing bottoms.

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FIND A MATE

Some people wear makeup on their faces.  Female baboons and male mandrills look like they’ve put makeup on their butts.

Baboons, which are found all over Africa, live in large troops made up of smaller family groups.  Each family group has one male leader, up to ten females, and their young.  The oldest and strongest males are the rulers.  Each male mates with all the adult females in his family group.  The females need a way to tell the male they’re ready to mate.  When they are, their bright red bottoms swell, becoming very large and developing odd folds.

Baboons spend a lot of time on the ground – more time than any other monkey.  They walk on all fours, waving their tails, so it’s easy for people and other baboons to see their rumps.  People may find the swollen female rear ends ugly, but male baboons find them attractive.

Mandrills are a type of baboon.  Among them, it’s the males who have the colorful rear ends, which match their equally colorful faces.  Some scientists think they use their rumps to attract females.  Ruling males often have the brightest colors.  This may not only win them more females, but also discourage rival males.

There are other theories about the male mandrill’s colors.  The mandrill may use its face and bottom as a threat. The fact that both are colored doubles the warning.  The colors may also confuse the enemy.  Is the mandrill coming or going?  In a dark forest, it’s hard to tell.  In addition, a mandrill’s bright bottom may act as a beacon – a kind of light for the members of the troop to follow.

So far no one knows exactly what a mandrill is saying with his blue-and-red rear end – no one, that is, except another mandrill.

All We Needed to Say: Poems About School from Tanya and Sophie

ALL WE NEED TO SAY: Poems About School from Tanya and Sophie

(excerpt)

SOPHIE
Mr. Feester said draw a picture
of a place that you have been
But I’ve been nowhere
except Uncle Irwin’s house
with the ping pong table
and the dusty deer head
that makes me want to cry
So instead I painted Paris
with the Eiffel Tower
sitting like a giant giraffe
in the center of streets so bright and busy
they glowed and wiggled off the page
In a happy rage
I stayed past the bell to finish
When I looked up at last
I was not alone
Tanya stood there, winking
showing me her picture
of a streamlined silver spaceship
circling round the moon
so bright and busy it glowed and wiggled
off the page
“Someday,” she declared
“Someday,” I agreed
Which was all we needed to say

The Maiden on the Moor

THE MAIDEN IN THE MOOR

(excerpt)

Two shepherds who were brothers went walking with their dogs on the moor.  The snow lay glittering cold under the ashen moon.  The barren tors cast lean black shadows.  And the shepherds shivered inside their warm coats.

“A night unfit,” said the elder shepherd.  He could scarcely wait to leave his brother and return to his big stone house.  There, the fire would be blazing steadily in the hearth, and the table laden with a fine supper.

“Aye, brother,” replied the younger shepherd, pushing his hands deep into his pockets.  His house was made of thatch.  And when he returned to it, there would be no blazing fire in the grate, no fine meal on the table.  But all this he could bear, if only he were not so lonely.

A gust of wind swept by, slapping the brothers’ backs.  The elder shepherd pulled up his collar.  “It’s time to go home, ” he said.

Suddenly, one of the dogs dashed into a bush and began to howl.

“Don’t go near that bush,” said the elder shepherd.  “Nothing worth knowing will be about on such a night.”

But the younger shepherd went.

And there on the hard ground lay a maiden, her white gown laden with snow, her black hair crowned with ice.  And when she breathed, but barely, a thin mist rose from her mouth.

 

In the Palace of the Ocean King

THE PALACE OF THE OCEAN KING

(excerpt)

Two things were said of Lord Adelbert’s daughter, Mariana:  She feared nothing but the ocean, and she had never been in love.  Both things were true.

One fine day the lord took her to visit his old friend, a duke who lived in a great but gloomy castle by the sea.  Dinner that night might have been a dismal affair if Mariana had not brightened the table with her clever stories.

When she finished the last, the duke turned to the quiet young man sitting by his side.  “My son can tell a good tale too, can you not, Sylvain?”

“Can you? Then tell us your favorite,” Mariana begged with a dazzling smile.

Sylvain lowered his eyes.  All evening he had looked at nothing and no one but Mariana, but now he could not look at her at all.  Nor could he utter a word until his father prodded him once again.  Then in a mumble he began.

“There was a young man who went walking on the beach.  He saw a merman stranded there, feebly thrashing his tail.  The creature’s eyes were dull and glazed, and his voice was so weak that the youth had to lay his ear close to the merman’s cracked lips to hear him.

” ‘Because I would not do his bidding, I angered the mighty Ocean King,’ the merman said. ‘With his triton he stirred the waters and threw me from the sea.  Now only a human can take me back.  Will you be the one?’

“The young man took pity on the creature, for he had heard of the fearsome Ocean King and he believed the merman’s tale.  So, although the sand was wet, the creature was heavy, and the youth had to struggle long and hard, he at last placed the merman back into the sea, where a mermaid who was weeping welcomed him with joy and great relief.  ‘I will not forget your kindness,’ the merman called to the youth.  ‘I will help you and your beloved if you ever are in need.’ ”

Sylvain abruptly stopped speaking.

His father frowned.  “That is all?” he asked, for he liked to laugh or be made to shiver, and he found this story neither witty nor chilling.  “Your tale has no ending.  Did the merman help the lad?”

“Not yet,” muttered Sylvain.

Mariana stared uneasily at him.  “You speak as if the tale were true.”

“It is,” he replied.

The Morgans Dream

THE MORGANS DREAM

(excerpt)

CATHERINE’S DREAM

The words
all mumbly jumbly
are not her own
No matter how hard she tries
she talks in
twisted biscuits
and fumphfarumphfary
Jimmy, Johnny
Patsy, Pauline
the whole class
whinny and wicker
like tickled horses
The underwear
all purple and yellow
is not her own
She can’t imagine why
she’s wearing it
with orange galoshes
and fluffy wuffy furbelows
Lizzie, Linda
Brian, Bob
the whole class
hoot and halloo
like crazy chimpanzees
The dream
all dummy crummy
is not her own
Though she wouldn’t believe it
if you told her
dreamers everywhere squirm
in the same tongue-tied misery
before a howdy rowdy crowd
Except their underwear is always
different

Please Don’t Squeeze Your Boa, Noah!

(excerpt)

Please don’t squeeze your boa, Noah
Even if it’s fun
No, don’t choke your python, my son
Such a thing’s not done

Be fonder of your anaconda
That’s what you must do
Please don’t squeeze your boa, Noah
Or he might just squeeze you

A Wasp Is Not a Bee

A WASP IS NOT A BEE

(excerpt)

INTRODUCTION

Most people know the difference between a cat and a dog.  But the differences between certain other animals are not so obvious, which is why people can confuse them.  To spot these differences, you have to look and listen carefully, and sometimes even use your other senses.

Observing animals closely can tell you how they vary in size, shape, color, skin, voice, behavior, and other things.  It can help you tell not only a wasp from a bee but a spider from an insect, a mammal from a bird.

Some of the animals in this book can be found in your neighborhood.  Others are in the zoo, and some you would have to travel to other countries to see.  All of them are fascinating.  The more you study these and other creatures, the more you can appreciate and enjoy the amazing diversity of the animal kingdom.

***

A WASP IS NOT A BEE

The insect trying to eat your ice-cream cone may look like a bee, but it’s probably a yellow-jacket wasp.  Some bees and wasps look similar, but they have many differences.  Bees are usually hairy.  Wasps are smooth.  Most bees can carry pollen on their legs.  Wasps can’t.  The honeybee, which is often confused with the yellow jacket, eats only pollen and nectar.  Yellow jackets eat insects and other animals, which they feed their young, and sugary foods like fruit, soda, and your ice-cream cone.

Social bees, such as the honeybee, which live in hives built out of wax, make honey. Social wasps, such as the yellow jacket, which live in nests they make out of paper or other materials, do not.  A beehive has many workers and one queen to lay eggs.  The queen bee never leaves the hive.  A wasp’s nest has several queens, and they do leave to hunt food for the young wasps.

To protect their colonies, bees and wasps can both sting.  But wasps are usually quicker to do so than bees.  One reason for this may be that a honeybee dies after it stings you. But a yellow jacket does not.  It can continue to sting you in several places.  That’s good for the wasp, but not for you.

The Painted Fan

THE PAINTED FAN

(excerpt)

When the imperial houses of Li and Chen would not stop fighting over who should control the Land of the Seven Caves, it was easy for Lord Shang to march in and set himself up as ruler. He and his men drove the remaining Lis west into the mountains and the Chens east toward the sea.  “May they never be reunited,” he sneered.

Then he went to his most trusted soothsayer to ask how long and prosperous his reign would be.

The old man gazed deeply into a cup fo tea and said nothing for such a length of time that the lord grew impatient.  He began to tap his fan on the side of his chair.

At last the soothsayer raised his eyes.  “You will reign for many years, and you will acquire much wealth and power.  But you will be hated and feared by all,” he said.

Lord Shang smiled.  “I do not mind being hated and feared, as long as there is nothing for me to fear in return.”

“There is nothing–except for the Painted Fan.”

“The what?” said Lord Shang.

“The Painted Fan,” repeated the soothsayer.  “It will be your undoing.”

Family Reunion

FAMILY REUNION

(excerpt)

HIGH FLY
“Are you good at this game?” Carrie accuses

“Sure,” I lie

standing there in right field

holding up my brand new glove

smooth as butterscotch

and stiff as an old dog’s leg

praying nobody hits one out to me

And nobody does

until

bottom of the ninth bases loaded

two away

we’re ahead by one

and uh oh (would you believe?)

here it comes

“Dare you not to drop it,” Carrie teases

Sun-blind I reach

reach

and thump (would you believe?)

here it is

in the tip-top of my glove

a snow-cone surprise

Then just like in a really good dream

there’s the cheering

and the hugging

and the squeals

And best of all there’s Carrie

with her startled eyes

and only her mouth catching flies

Sky Words

SKY WORDS

(excerpt)

FOG

Trees have no tops

in the fog

Bridges have no bottoms

Steeples rise like silent rockets

frozen in space

Street lights float

like UFOs

No one is your friend

in the fog

The sky is a liar

The ground is a sneak

All footsteps belong to strangers

even your own

The fog is

a river with no direction

a dream with no doors

When it lifts without a whisper

you forget that it was ever there

except for a tiny tickle in your mind

a trace of goosebumps

on your skin